Aries: Struggling to write that paper, Aries? We’ve got you covered. But a bed sheet over you and pretend to be a ghost, and scare as many people as you can. Do this for fifteen minutes and your writer’s block will be gone. Happy writing!
Taurus: Inspiration can be a fickle thing, Taurus. To combat this, try your hand at painting little action figures. The tinier the better. Just make sure you correlate colors, or they’ll look lame.
Gemini: There’s no rest for the wicked, Gemini. Looks like your own a rebel streak this week. Jaywalking, drinking milk right out of the jug, screenshotting people’s Snapchats. Looks like you’re in some serious need of a come-to-Jesus moment.
Cancer: You will find the ultimate napping destination on campus this week, Cancer. With your help, the napping game will be changed forever. Happy napping!
Leo: The wandering eye of procrastination has landed on you this week, Leo. But never fear, if you listen to nothing but polka music and classic ‘80’s hits, it will leave you alone. Just don’t stop beleivin’.
Virgo: Indulging in dessert this week is not an option, Virgo. This is a much needed therapy session for the soul. For the therapy to work, the stars highly recommend anything chocolate, at least three times a week.
Libra: It’s the final countdown, Libra. The countdown until you find the pair of jeans that fit you perfectly. Which we know is a true miracle in of itself. Try looking at thrift stores for a real variety.
Scorpio: Don’t let stress get you down this week, Scorpio. Try yoga for a boost of energy for the body, but calming for the mind. Who knew that being bent into a pretzel could be so relaxing? Or you could just eat pretzels instead, probably easier.
Sagittarius: Seems like you need some alone time, Sagittarius. Some time to unwind, and let your mind water. Try going for a walk or reading a book. Resist the urge to mindlessly watch Netflix.
Capricorn: Your boss will probably ask you to work late today, Capricorn. But all is well, because it means that you will avoid a very awkward conversation with your ex that you have been trying to avoid.
Aquarius: You will discover a love for yodeling this week, Aquarius. Don’t be afraid to express yourself! It is your true passion, and people will love it. Just takes a little practice. Happy yodeling!
Pisces: It’s time to break out of your routine, Pisces! It’s time to mix it up. Order a different coffee drink or take a different way home even if it takes longer. Exciting things happen outside of your comfort zones.
