Aries: Looks like you’ll be going on a cleaning spree this week, Aries. Just think of it as a new year, new you type of thing. As you will find out, yes, you actually can wash your comforter. The next step is to actually make your bed.
Taurus: It may be a new year, Taurus, but you have the possibility to stay the same if you don’t stand up for yourself. Try and be a bit more outgoing this week, and step out of your comfort zone. Maybe ask that cutie in your class out on a date.
Gemini: Just like Sour Patch Kids, Gemini, you’ve been pretty mean lately. Now it’s time to channel your inner sweetness and spread some love and kindness. And maybe some holiday cheer by sending out some cards.
Cancer: Be prepared to be having some weird dreams this week, Cancer. So next time you have that reoccurring dream of falling off of a cliff for the third night in a row, make sure you make yourself a hot cup of tea to calm your nerves.
Leo: Don’t let your nerves take over this week, Leo. The stars can promise you that the chance of a clown lurking in every single storm drain you walk past. You can put your mind at ease the next time you’re walking down the street.
Virgo: Set a new goal for yourself this week, Virgo. It’s time to try that spin class, even though the thought of going terrifies you. As with most things in life, you can only not like it once. At least you can’t fall off a stationary bike.
Libra: You will be surrounded by many distractions this week, Libra. Those distractions being Netflix and Hulu. It’s probably not the best idea to be watching five different shows at the same time. Remember: the outside world exists.
Scorpio: Setting a goal to eat healthier is always great, Scorpio. But eating Chipotle everyday is not the answer. Just because you can get a salad there does not mean it’s the only healthy answer. Expand your horizons.
Sagittarius: An influx of creativity is heading your way, Sagittarius. Try something different. Build a collage of your different types of your favorite cats. Or birds. Express the love of the animal you adore.
Capricorn: Things has the potential to be a bit weird week for you, Capricorn. Speak exclusively in contradictions to really give people a challenge. This has the potential to get a little tricky, but entertaining.
Aquarius: Puns are the way to your success, Aquarius. At least in your love life. Contrary to popular opinion, puns are great pick up lines. Unless that person doesn’t like puns….in that case, you don’t want to be with them anyway.
Pisces: You’re going to turn into quite the party animal this week, Pisces. Staying up until 11 p.m. on a school night, and forgetting to put on your moisturizer? Slow down, speed racer.
