Long-distance relationships are something that have been around for centuries. Whether you are sending letters to someone you met on a trip in the 19th century or texting someone you met online on popular apps like Discord or Instagram, love has always continued to thrive despite any distance.
Relationships thrive thanks to social media
Social media like Instagram, Twitter and Discord are excellent places to bond with people over the internet across any length of distance. As a result of this newfound connection that comes with modern technology, many have developed romantic feelings for people in a different state, country or continent.
Long-distance relationships, or LDRs are incredibly common in today’s era; everyone is bound to have at least one friend who is actively in a LDR.
Despite this, some may find LDRs to be controversial or “impossible.” After all, many LDRs go months without seeing each other, and a chance to meet up in-person may seem impossible at the moment due to work, finances, family or other reasons. Some wonder how a relationship can thrive under these conditions.
There is luckily plenty of proof that reveals that relationships are possible over long distances. Of course, there is always a chance that something will go wrong, but that is a predictable fear in any relationship.
LDRs require the same things as in-person relationships, like communication and trust, but these aspects may be amplified in a LDR as it is simply impossible to gain some of the bonding experience that couples who are together in real life get to experience, such as physical touch.
A study done by members of Queen’s University’s psychology department found that, despite the difference, the data between LDRs and in-person relationships was roughly similar.
“Individuals in [LDRs] did not report lower levels of relationship or sexuality quality…. These results indicate that those in [LDRs] do not report being worse off than their geographically close counterparts. Such similarities fit with studies that have found relationship factors that are equal or higher in [LDRs], such as intimacy, love and relationship satisfaction and communication,” the research found.
Thanks to human determination, LDRs– and most relationships that happen under unique circumstances– are able to succeed.
Common struggles
Of course, there are some struggles that are unique to LDRs. For couples who are able to live together or live incredibly close, the idea of coming home after a long day of work knowing your partner is at home waiting for you is an expectation rather than a dream.
LDRs struggle more with this aspect. Ezra met their partner online through mutual friends on Discord, and have been together for four years. They discussed the struggle of lacking physical connection.
“A big issue for my partner was a lack of physical intimacy. They're a very ‘touch as a love language’ person, and it was hard for them when their partner lived thousands of miles away,” Ezra said.
Physical intimacy is an important aspect for many people. Of course, being able to interact with your friends– like hugging them or being near them– may be able to alleviate the pain of not being able to be near your partner, it never truly diminishes it. eHarmony explains in its article “Do Long Distance Relationships Work?” how physical touch is incredibly important.
“Most human beings crave physical touch, especially from a romantic partner. Text messages, calls, and video chat are all great, but they can’t make up for a hug. Additionally, studies have shown that non-sexual physical intimacy – spending time together, holding hands [and] doing things for each other – is just as important to a healthy relationship as what goes on in bed,” eHarmony stated.
For those who do not mind less physical touch, this may not be an issue. There are plenty of other situations that people worry about, though, such as being open and honest with a partner who is so far away, and trusting that they are doing the same.
A blogger from St. Andrews University, who was in a LDR at the time of writing, mentioned communication and trust as their most important details to strive for. A large risk that they discuss earlier in the blog is how predictable, repeated communication patterns can lead to boredom or even resentment, so staying spontaneous is important.
“In a relationship you need to stay unpredictable and spontaneous with communication styles, for example, changing the time you usually call or even the setting to surprise your partner or even yourself,” the author wrote.
The blogger also discussed trust; keeping an open flow of communication is important, but it is also necessary to discuss your boundaries with your partner and understand what you both expect and want from each other, and from the relationship as a whole.
These two aspects are important for LDRs and in-person relationships, but being long-distance can cause a bigger strain in the relationship if these aspects are not respected.
On a lighter note, another struggle that some may see as funny is how time zones can affect relationships.
“A sillier problem that I had was the issues with time zones– I can't even count the times I ruined my sleep schedule just to stay up to talk to them. Now, while this isn't an issue exclusive to long-distance couples, it's certainly more prevalent, with time zone differences distinctly limiting the time we had to spend together,” Ezra said.
If you are in a LDR, expect sleepless nights and staying up late to talk to your partner– even if you are in the same time zone, finding the time to chat during everyday life may be a struggle, and many couples end up calling or texting late at night.
Are long-distance relationships worth it?
Ultimately, LDRs are very similar to in-person relationships. Both are people becoming involved romantically and expecting certain things from the relationship; the major difference is how communication happens.
If you truly have feelings for someone and want to take the leap, I absolutely recommend that you get into a LDR. It may be a struggle, and at times it may feel like it is not worth it– but these are doubts many couples have at some point in their relationship. Do not let it deter you; respect yourself and respect your partner, and your relationship will last through long-distance and beyond.
For those looking for tricks for bonding with their long-distance partner, there are plenty of resources and advice online. Ezra also provides a piece of advice.
“A fun thing I like to offer is letting your partner see the mundane. The thing about long distance relationships is that, at least for me, there is a large lack of knowledge about the everyday life of your partner– I only knew their house through snippets taken in pictures, and I wasn't exactly liveblogging my trip to the grocery store,” Ezra said. “I propose you bring them with you! Recount your nature walk, call while they're driving to work [or] facetime while you're doing the dishes. If you're anything like me, it'll help you feel closer to them,” Ezra said.
Good luck to those currently in relationships, long distance or not– love will always persevere, but only if you all put the effort in!
