OCTOBER 29 – NOVEMBER 2
ARIES – Your obsession with Rob Lowe has become quite unhealthy Aries. Frankly we are a little concerned. Wearing “Rob Lowe for President” shirts and only making references from his appearances in Parks and Rec is annoying everyone. It’s time you stop doing that and move on. There are other things to use that energy toward. Like saving the environment.
TAURUS – People in general will get on your nerves more than normal Taurus. There will be an eclipse causing mass annoyance. Take a step back and relax at home this week so you don’t lose your mind. We suggest catching up on your fav Netflix shows.
GEMINI – Whatever you do Gemini do not look that woman with green hair in the eye this week. She is a troll in disguise and will cast a spell on you that will give you a terrible sinus cold. You’ve been warned.
CANCER – It has been suggested by the stars that you play Best Day of My Life by American Authors on repeat all week Cancer. This song is a perfect pick me up that you need and it is also very catchy.
LEO – Been feeling a little lonely lately Leo? Instead of mindlessly swiping on Tinder why not join an organization! A great opportunity to meet people and get involved. On Sunday you will find yourself in an odd situation but don’t worry you’ll manage to handle it flawlessly.
VIRGO – You should really invest in a swear jar Virgo. You’re using words that even your friends don’t know. It’s becoming ridiculous. A swear jar will help kick your habit and save you some money!
LIBRA – Are you bored with your routine hairstyle Libra? We suggest getting funky with your hair and dying it a new color or getting it cut a new way! The stars see pink colors in your future. Pink highlights??
SCORPIO – Watch out for leftover pumpkins in the road this week Scorpio! Some rebels must be throwing them in the street and who wants pumpkin guts on a freshly washed car? Make sure to slow down and be cautious this week.
SAGITTARIUS – Knowledge is power this week Sagittarius. So you should read up on the history of sprinkles on Thursday. Someone will test your credibility this weekend and you are prepared.
CAPRICORN – Choose your battles wisely this week Capricorn. Like if a Sagittarius says they know everything about sprinkles, trust their intuition. Question them on why they read about sprinkles, then go get some ice cream. It will be a great day if you have ice cream.
AQUARIUS – There is a strange aura around you dear Aquarius. You will consistently make everything into a rhetoric question. This will annoy your peers but it will also make them all more philosophical. Happy questioning!
PISCES – The universe has seen your struggles recently Pisces. Don’t worry the stars are coming to assist you. Go out and watch for a shooting star On Wednesday night, make sure you spin around and say “I wish, I wish, with all my heart, to fly with dragons in a land apart.” Your wish will come true.
